It’s been a long time since I’ve written you a letter on here, I apologize. For awhile I didn’t think I had anything very exciting to say. I think about you all of the time though, and I talk to you as well. Your little ears don’t quite work yet but someday you’ll hear me. Approximately 12 years from now you will be telling me to be quiet, I’m sure, but until then, I will chatter away.
We’re in the second trimester, Baby! Today was day 100 of the pregnancy. That doesn’t even seem possible! Time is going so quickly! Your second cousin, O, was born on Thursday and I found out that Bethany was pregnant when she was right around 14 weeks. Looking back it seemed like she was pregnant forever! I’m guessing that my pregnancy will seem to go faster than her’s seemed to me. I’m ok with time slowing down a bit though, supposedly second trimester is the good part so I’d like to enjoy that with you.
Right now you’re the size of an orange. It’s very strange to me that I have something the size of an orange living in my abdomen and I can’t feel it at all! Only a few more weeks though and I should be able to feel you kicking away. I wish we could see you sometime though. Is it weird to say I miss you without having ever really seen you in the first place? Our only picture of you, well honey, you looked like a little tadpole. Rumor has it that you look a lot more like a baby now and I can’t wait to see you. Two more weeks before we go in to hear your heartbeat and approximately 6 more weeks before we get to have our ultrasound. Might as well plan to keep those little legs crossed though because we don’t want to know whats between those legs! We want that moment in the delivery room to be extra special, it will be the moment you become YOU.
I still think you’re a girl. I’m trying to prepare myself for the likelihood that you may not be but it’s weird. 🙂 It’s weird to think of you as an outside baby at all! I’m just getting used to the concept of you being in my belly! You’ll probably think this is funny someday but every time I stop to think about you being outside of my body and in our arms I get all weepy and ridiculous. (like right now 🙂 )
This weekend I was telling Uncle M and Aunt A and Papa (oh holy hell, now I’m REALLY crying just from typing out those names!) about how after you’re born I want to have a big party for you and bestow our family’s blessings upon your life and your future. Just like right now, I couldn’t even get the sentence out to them without tearing up! So, right now talking about my ‘outside baby’ pretty much equals Mommy crying and Daddy getting that look on his face that he gets when he’s so in love he’s about to burst. I’ll have to get used to sharing that look with you. 🙂 Somehow I don’t think it will be too difficult!
There’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about. I don’t know how much you know about the year that preceded your conception but ask me about it sometime, I’ll be glad to tell you all about it. One of the many things I learned from the struggle of that year is that even when you think the worst has happened, life will heap more on your plate, and you can handle it. You are stronger than than you think, and everything really does end up OK in the end. Some things take days to figure out, some things take years, but things always figure themselves out in the end. This year taught me a lot about who I am, who I want to be and what I am capable of. I think that learning these things about myself has been one of the universe’s ways of preparing me to be your Mommy.
Another thing I’ve learned this past year is to tell people how you feel about them and never assume they just ‘know’. As your mother I want to always be the one who tells you how proud I am of you, how beautiful you are, how talented, how kind. I want to tell you these things so much that you that you get sick of hearing them. More importantly, I don’t want you to ever have to wonder. You deserve to know how I feel and never have to guess or assume.
I’m approaching the rambling phase of my letter writing so I think it’s time for bed. I’ve been editing photos all night from a wedding. Did you know I was a wedding photographer? I wonder if I still will be by the time you read this someday. I hope I’m still taking pictures at least. It’s such a big part of my life now, I can’t imagine ever being without it.
I love you, Baby. I say goodnight to you every night and will keep doing so until you move out (of the house, not the uterus) 🙂 Daddy has started kissing my belly goodnight, which is the sweetest thing ever. I can’t wait until you’re kicking so hard that he can feel it! We have so many things to look forward to. I hope you’re excited!
Keep growing and never doubt for a moment that you are loved and wanted!