Masthead header
Morgan Crane: Personal Blog bio picture
  • Bloggity Blog Blog

    Another thirty-something mama writing about my three and a half year old daughter, my one year old daughter, breastfeeding, birth, car seat safety, motherhood, photography and family. Come see what's going on.

I know you, Baby.

I know you, Baby. I’ve heard your voice and smelled your smell. Your face brings back long July nights in 2010 and cool November days in 2012. Sometimes in the middle of the night I’d SWEAR I’m nursing a different baby. A baby from my memory.

But you aren’t either of those babies. You are YOU. You have your own habits, your own face, your own needs. Somehow your babyhood is now a culmination of my experience mothering newborns. I’m so glad to already know you and know what to expect. I’m so thankful for these sweet, late night memories of days gone by and babies who are grown.

I’m also thankful that my experience with them means a more peaceful experience with you. I love that you remind me of your sisters. I love that I see their faces in yours and hear their voices and smell their smells. I so enjoy learning about YOU though. My son. My last baby.

You just got here, but I’m so glad to already know you.

 Tweet This Post Pin to Pinterest Back To Top

Thoughts On The End of Pregnancy When It May Be The Last Time

This is going to be all over the place.

So here I am, 38.5 weeks pregnant with Baby 3, getting close but fully in the deep end of the waiting game. I’m tired, uncomfortable, generally feeling awful but at the same time feeling very nostalgic. This may be the last time.

Woah.

This may be the last time I’ll be this pregnant. Or pregnant at all.

Heck. It PROBABLY is the last time but I can’t and won’t make that call right now because I have no idea what this is going to be like. I’m sure someday I’ll be able to say for sure but right now I don’t know. I know too many people who thought they were done and even made decisions on permanent birth control and they regret it later.

So I’m inundated with all these ideas of what I “should” be doing and how I “should” be spending me time. These are my last days of “me” time for a LONG time and all I want to do is sleep. I have silly thoughts like “I never had pregnancy photos in a mountain lake in a flowy white dress!”. Never mind that I don’t live anywhere near the mountains… I briefly looked for someone to take some fine art nudes to capture this belly but didn’t find anything and I’m still debating trying to take a few myself… You know. In my spare time before baby arrives…
My apartment has great light but no neutral backgrounds where I could actually pose… All the ideas… no idea how to execute.

The thought of never having these photos weighs on me but I’m sure I won’t care as much once the baby is out. Newborn photos are more important…. aaaaaaaaand I don’t have those booked either!

So now, I want the photos but I’m too tired to take them. I want the last moments with my big girls to be positive and memorable but I’m too tired to do fun things with them. Someone pointed out that THEY won’t remember these last days but I will. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself but I’m kind of trapped in my own head/skin right now. I’m stretched to the max.

So I wait, and try to remember every kick and roll and hiccup and sleepless night with this life inside me. My body is great at making babies… decent at carrying them and pretty good at birthing them. It’s GREAT at feeding them and I know I’m a great mom. My time alone with this little love is drawing to a close and pretty soon I have to share him/her with the world… That’s always tough for me. Mama doesn’t like to share. I enjoy this time where I have my babies all to myself.

I can’t wait to see the girls as big sisters though. I know that Q will have a very special relationship with this baby. When she came home from school today I imagined the same scenario in a few months when it will be the baby’s favorite time of day. T is so good with babies. It will be a HUGE adjustment for her though. I’m scared of how she will act out because I know it’s inevitable. Q was super chill at her age and she still had issues adjusting.

It’s going to be a total zoo… I can’t help but wonder what we’ve gotten ourselves into. But I know it will be worth it. I’m trying to enjoy these nights without responsibility and these days to myself. It will be almost a full 4 years before this one is old enough to attend preschool. Here we go again…

Bring it on.

 Tweet This Post Pin to Pinterest Back To Top

Baby 3.0 – 20-22 Weeks Pregnant

20weeks-writing

Weeks Pregnant: 20-22! It’s safe to say this pregnancy is flying by!

Size of the baby: 20 Weeks: Banana size, 22 Weeks: Spaghetti Squash! Almost 11 inches and 1lb!

Emotional stuff: Things have been pretty good. Emotions have run high but I’m starting to expect that! I’m doing some major purging of my clothes and kid clothes that I don’t love. Using the Marie Kondo method of thanking each item for the part it played in our lives made it easier to purge things!
It still hasn’t hit me that there will be an actual little baby here in 4 months. I can’t wrap my head around it. So much to do before then!!

Physical stuff: These have been the absolute best two weeks of my pregnancy. I just caught a cold so that has slowed me down with aches and fatigue but luckily it hit on a weekend when S could take over. I also saw a neurologist and feel much better prepared to handle any future migraines. Maybe I’ll be spared future ones but if they come, I’ll be ready!

Baby is still super active. Still waiting for the right opportunity to get Q to feel some kicks but S has been able to feel lots. I had my laptop on my belly tonight and it kept wobbling around due to all the kids. I am in for it later on I think.

Sleep is decent once I am able to fall asleep. It gets so hot in our room and I run hot while pregnant anyhow. Now when I sleep I tend to stay in one position and when I wake up my top limbs will be asleep so that’s not very fun. I wake up every time I roll over so that’s not very fun either. I know it’s just going to get worse though!

I can’t stop eating: Whatever is around. Food is not my friend this pregnancy. I haven’t been craving or loving anything. I’m fortunate if I can just find things that taste good. Fresh fruit has been pretty good.  

I can’t even look at: No real aversions. 

Fitness: I haven’t been doing much. I need to decide if we want to keep the Y membership since we aren’t really using it…

Sibling Prep: Not much change from last entry. Q is excited for a sister. She wants to name her Annabelle. The boy name she has picked out is “Bluuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh”, like the sound of vomiting. 🙂 Aren’t almost five year olds precious?

Birth prep: We have our Doula booked. That’s about it so far. It’s sneaking up on me though.

Baby prep: Went through old baby clothes and purged the ones I don’t love. That was liberating. We also got some of our baby gear back from friends that so now we have actual baby stuff. WEIRD! 

 Tweet This Post Pin to Pinterest Back To Top

Baby 3.0 – 19 Weeks Pregnant

I still want to do a bump photo series and hope to start it at week 20. Between feeling gross and gross weather my motivation to get camera ready has been at an all time low. However, I know I’ll be sad if I don’t! I also need to get over the fact that I’m heavier all over this pregnancy and won’t look as cute as I did when I was pregnant the first 2 times. Time to get over it!!!

Week Pregnant: 19! Whaaaaat?

Size of the baby: About the size of an heirloom tomato. In layman’s terms, baby now weighs about 8 1/2 ounces and is roughly 6 inches long from head to bottom.

Emotional stuff: oh Hai raging hormones 🙂 I am officially becoming preg-motional. I feel like it’s rather early for this but everything seems to be happening early this pregnancy!! This week I’ve gotten so mad about something I couldn’t calm down for over a day and also so overwhelmed by something that won’t happen for a year that I cried. hahahahaha
I’m calling a spade a spade though. This pregnancy has turned me into a crazy person. Watch out for me by the end! lol. I am more convinced than ever that it’s a boy. Things are just too intense in every way!

Physical stuff: Last week I had migraine from Monday through Friday. Monday it started lightly and took root by evening. Tuesday – Thursday were full blown migraine culminating with me throwing up twice on Thursday and calling S to come home early because I didn’t feel safe to drive and pick up T from the sitter. Friday I was recovering and by Sunday I felt back to normal. This week has been good but I still feel nauseated a few days a week. Sometimes before I eat. Sometimes after. I can’t predict it anymore. This has not been an easy pregnancy for me.

Baby is super active. I feel him 50+ times a day. He kicks a lot when the cats lay on my belly or if one of the girls is sitting with me. I can feel the kicks from the outside but no one else has yet. I kind of like my private relationship though. Baby is all mine only for a short time!

I can’t stop eating: Pasta salad, grape tomatoes, Frosted Mini Wheats. 

I can’t even look at: Food really isn’t my friend, still. I eat whatever sounds good at the time and half the time it doesn’t actually taste good once I get a chance to eat it. I hope eventually I’ll be able to just eat and enjoy my food! I’ve been eating out a lot because it’s so hard to buy food at the store and actually want to eat it later…

Fitness: This week I’ve felt really good. I’ve been able to go walking again with the girls and it feels great to be active. I can get through the day without napping (even though I still like to nap if I can) and my energy in general seems to be back. 

Sibling Prep: Q is just the sweetest when it comes to the baby. She kisses my stomach every night and says “I just love you so much!”. It makes my heart explore. T still is pretty oblivious. She’s obsessed with her baby cousins though so that’s a good sign. When we talk about a new baby coming to live with us she suggests one of her baby cousins. 🙂

Birth prep: We have our Doula booked. That’s about it so far. It’s sneaking up on me though.

Baby prep: Starting to think about going through the old baby clothes and donating anything we don’t love. We definitely need to get rid of some stuff to make more room for the baby. It’s going to be tight but we’ll be OK. I’m just going to need to do some hardcore nesting and organizing. 

 Tweet This Post Pin to Pinterest Back To Top

Dear Baby 3 – 9 weeks

Dear Baby 3,

You gave mommy a scare today!! Last night I had some bleeding and we didn’t know what was happening. For the whole night and most of the day we thought we might be losing you. Thankfully, as soon as the ultrasound came up on the screen we saw your heartbeat, steady and sure. You were dancing around in there, happy as can be! Not a care in the world. As it should be. The bleeding was something minor and should go away on its own, thank goodness. I know too many mommies and babies who have had different outcomes.
I’m elated to continue to carry you for several more months. I still feel sick every day and I’m tired as all get out but I’m happy. I’m so happy to have you in there!

Q swears you are a girl but my friends say you must be a boy. What a wonderful surprise this will be when when we find out! Please hang tight and try not to cause too much trouble! A mama’s heart can only take so much.

I love you and can’t wait to feel your little taps and kicks inside me in a few weeks!

Forever yours,

Mommy

 Tweet This Post Pin to Pinterest Back To Top